NO BOUNDARIES. Really.

Narcissists usually violate the boundaries of those around them and resent people for having any boundaries to begin with. In my own case, my narcissistic adoptive mother had an appalling sense of what was appropriate. Some of her worst examples are the following:

1. She doesn't respect your privacy. When I was 14, she told my adoptive father that I had no pubic hair, and that she was sure I was shaving it off. She was convinced of this, or that there was something wrong with me because I didn't have to shave halfway down to my knees just to wear a swimsuit like my adoptive sister (her biological child) did. That girl even had armpit hair at 9-years-old, which is odd to me. But she was the golden child. I was a late bloomer, and even today I would have a hard time growing the porn bush that woman had. How do I know what her pubic hair looked like? Because she was frequently naked around me. And how did she know about my lack of pubes? Because I had to be naked around her, whether I was ok with it or not.

And speaking of naked...


2. She has no concept of modesty. She chastised me for covering up. She would change tampons, wipe herself while sitting spread-eagle on the toilet, bathe, finger-douche her birth canal (it's the best way to describe her disturbing ritual for cleaning her weathered old stinkbox), and more in front of me. If I turned away or tried to leave the room, she would mock me for being so “modest.” She would leave the door open while she pissed and shat, regardless of who was in the next room. However, she would close the door if we had guests she didn’t know well.


3. She will tell almost anyone almost anything, no matter how private. She would describe her bowel movements in great detail to whomever happened to be around. She would talk about how she was “going little lumps” and that she wasn’t able to do any better than that. If the person being bombarded with this private and disgusting information made any sort of face to show their shock, she would talk about them later, saying they were too wimpy and delicate. Or dainty. Or not tough enough.


4. She is disgusting and crude. As if the above isn't evidence enough. When we were on vacation (when I was a teenager) we were at some park where they kept deer in a fenced-in area. Someone asked if there were any baby deer, and she replied that there were because, as she remarked about one deer, “Those tits look fresh sucked.”


5. She criticizes those who don't share her view of letting it all hang out. She would walk around in her bra and panties in front of my teenaged brother and his friends. One of his friends covered his face and tried to apologize for seeing her (even though it was her own fault), and she acted like he was crazy. She said, "Your mother must not walk around like this, or else you'd see that there's nothing wrong with it." When he said that his mother didn't, she laughed at him and later said that his mother "must just hide herself."


6. Her use of the English language is strange, both in public and in private. She was appalled that her children were teaching their own children to call their body parts by their correct names. Her name for “penis” was “goober.” Her name for “vulva” was “crack.” I still cringe when I remember her telling me and the adoptive sister, “Wash your crack.” Of course her telling any number of houseguests and anyone within earshot about my experience with chickenpox when I was five was traumatizing, you know, because she just had to tell them about me having blisters all in my “crack.” Lovely. She mispronounced words frequently and would get angry when someone used them correctly. The ones that come to mind are the anatomy ones, such as "va-janna" for vagina, "u-truss" for uterus, and "sera-vix" for cervix. Once I told her that I read that Madonna had been a member of her high school thespian club, and she said that it was gross that Madonna was a "liz-bee-an."


7. She's inconsistent with her speech and actions. She would say all the nasty things above, but she thought the following words were bad and wouldn't allow us to say them: butt, butthole, fart (which she said was as bad as saying "fuck"), any profanity (obviously), fag, faggot, queer (although she herself was a huge bigot), crap, and dick. She would say "twat" frequently, not as an insult, but in describing someone's "va-janna." So when she didn't tell me to wash my "crack," she'd instruct me to wash my "twat."


I do want to apologize for the nastiness of my writing. I can be crass and vulgar at times myself, but I use words to make others laugh, and I don't consider any words off-limits, provided the context is right. The thing that's important to remember is that people like her are missing the knowledge that other people are separate from them and have different opinions, wants, needs, and ideas of what's acceptable. If you don't think and act the same way as someone like her, she sees it as a threat, and then you will pay. And pay dearly.